Everything is booked, got the dress, invitations go out in January.
I asked Matt if he had cold feet, he said "nope, hot feet. I'd marry you tomorrow."
Mon, May. 16th, 2011, 10:35 am
So, I'm pretty pumped about getting married. Bought the dress, reserved the hall, now the 11 month wait....
Last night, for the first time in a long time, I was filled with hope. Our new president has deep, scary pit to pull this country out of, I hope he's man enough for the job. Mr. Obama, you mobilized millions of people and lit some fires under a lot of asses to get involved in the political process. If you let us down, you're going to snuff that flame of patriotism you ignited in so many people. Dont fuck it up, brah. Yes we can.
Tue, Jan. 1st, 2008, 10:21 pm
I'm getting my shit together.
I'm moving my body into the shape it needs to be, because it's sad how much of my focus is taken up by my tummy and thighs. If only I could devote the amount of mental energy I spend on my weight to something worthwhile and actually important.
So let it be heard. One day at a time, I will watch what I eat and make a conscious effort to do some sort of movement every day.
BOOYAH. Happy new year.
HI LIVEJOURNAL! It's been a while, dude.
I'm in my new apartment, with Chris and Hardy. We play Warcraft all day. Seriously, at any given time 2 out of the 3 of us are in the living room on the computer. I make my own little "book nook' in my bedroom, with a comfy chair, a little lamp, some afghans and a little table for an ashtray. I thought it would be more decorative than functional, but I find myself going in there when I tire of the being around the boys. I can swivel my tv around in there and paint my nails and watch marathons of Bridezilla or Extreme Makeover to my hearts content.
Christmas treated me well. I'm not going to list what I got, but i will tell you that santa apparently thinks I need to clean more. There was a box of Magic Erasers in my stocking and a Swiffer under the tree. Magic erasers are kind of the most amazing cleaning product ever.
I miss Marquette. I miss the whole 'small town' atmosphere, I miss the cheap cost of living, I miss the overall niceness of yoopers and I miss Lake Superior. That lake gets a powerful hold on you. Even in the winter, it's one of the most beautiful places in the world and I want to go back. I live in Retail Mecca right now and it sickens me when I have to leave my apartment. Stores, Stores everywhere and not a dime to spend. Anyway, this wasnt very exciting but it was hard to break the ice and jump back in to entries.
Happy New Year, everyone.
Mon, Jul. 16th, 2007, 02:52 pm
So I rarely write in this anymore, due to just not having a whole lot to say. But things are wierd. I have a chance at getting a teaching job next year... and I'm hesitant. I dont know if thats what I want. It's not like its some shitty job where if you dont like it you can quit in a week... it's a definite commitment to about 120 students for 9 months. I dont know, I guess it signifies adulthood, which scares me more than anything.
I've got my business up and running, although i've yet to really make any money the potential is definetely there. So, yea. the end. boring update.
So, this is whats been going on lately, in a easy to read, user-friendly list format.
I'm scared to take out the garbage because of the giant hissing raccoons that feast in my dumpster.
Waitressing sucks even more when the economy is bad.. if you cant afford to tip, eat at Big Boys.
My bank account is almost drained, and at the rate I'm going I'll be broke in 5.5 weeks.
My boyfriend is my new roommate, which is great, except I'm still paying full rent and bills.
I've lost any and all motivation to schedule things that need to be done, such as:
-fixing my windshield
-getting my kitty de-balled
-going to the "girl doctor"
-going to the dentist
-renewing my red cross certification
-anything else requiring me to set aside a block of time and money.
Due to recent tenant changes in my building, I now live in Albania and/or the ghetto.
I'm getting fat again.
My new rugs in the living room really pull the room together. Thanks mom.
I've had the same clothes in the dryer for over a week.
I've had the same pile on the floor of my closet for over a month.
I have a new lamp from Ikea, and i like it, but I'm constantly scared it's going to catch on fire.
I forgot to shave one armpit while showering, and now I'm half hippie.
I dont understand why I cant get a "real" job based on my degree and intelligence.
By real job I mean one with a salary and not having to work every single friday, saturday, sunday, and holiday.
I've been writing again, but lack the initiative and money to enter my work in any contests.
I also have a crippling lack of self-confidence that prevents the above.
I now have to chose between taking a shower or taking a dump before work, because I certainly dont have time for both.
Okay, I'm calling bullshit. I want to write a book, titled "I Call Bullshit" and fill it all with my incoherent ramblings, but this is the closest I'll ever get because I am LAZY. LAZY LAZY LAZY. Today, I call bullshit on children. No, wait, parenting. I call bullshit on parenting.
I dont have kids. My friends dont have kids. My experience with little kids is fairly limited. However, i have fairly extensive experience with junior high and high school kids. And y'know what? They're spoiled, arrogant little assholes. When I see some kid at the restaurant that wont take off his headphones or put away his PSP to eat dinner, I want to slap his parents in the face. When I watch Nanny 911 or Supernanny and I hear some beanbag housewife whining that she cant control her 3 year old, I want to kick my television set to the floor. When I hear some little crotchfruit at Meijers throwing a tantrum because he cant have a video game/candy bar/toy, I want to go up to him and scream in his face as loudly as i possibly can, until my throat is raw and bleeding and i'm screaming a fine red mist all over this little shit's face.
What the fuck ever happened to discipline? NO MEANS NO. It doesnt even have to involve spankings, I was spanked maybe 3 times when I was a kid. Those 3 times were enough. YOU'RE the parent, YOU'RE the adult, YOU ARE IN CONTROL. I'm sorry, but if you're 30 and cant control a 3 year old you belong in a home with someone spooning applesauce into your stupid piehole. If you dont want to take the time to be a parent, dont have kids. It IS a choice, if abortion is against your beliefs then give the baby up to one of the thousands of couples who cant have kids but desperatly want them. (unless their gay, because we all know gay people cant raise babies. two people who love eachother are only allowed children if the peepees dont match.)
Parenting takes time and effort, I'm pretty sure on that one, and by time and effort I do NOT mean plunking them down in front of the television for 5 hours. It does not mean buying a 4 year old an X-BOX 360 so "he wont get bored." HE'S 4. A four year old can play with a box and some lawn chairs for hours on end, and be perfectly happy. However, when the kid is stacking the lawnchairs on the box and then trying to stand on top of it and falls, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SUE THE LAWN CHAIR COMPANY. You were supposed to be watching him, hell, maybe helping him build his fort, not sitting on your ass in the other room talking on the phone, painting your nails, and watching Dr. Phil. You are not entitled to monetary damages because you're an idiot. I wish I was a judge, I'd be like Judge Judy except with more profanity.
People, the world has been dumbed down enough. Stop freaking out and whining about television/music/games/movies and fucking it up for adults. You dont like the vulgar music your kids listen to? I agree, it's a little disturbing to have a 10 year old walking around singing "my humps" or "crazy bitch", so maybe dont buy them the cd's? You dont like violent video games? Quit waiting in line for 234231 hours the day after Thanksgiving to buy them x-box nine billion. Exercise a little discipline and maybe some personal self-control. Or, if some analogies might help you out here, quit digging your own grave, quit making the bed that you will sleep in, quit shooting yourself in the foot. Do not buy a video game and then freak out and attempt to sue video game companies because it "made" your kid attempt to torch your neighbors cat. Do some research. Wait, that might take up some of your Days of our Lives programming time, maybe try it at night, after you shoot your husband down for sex because you've been too tired "watching the kids" all day. He can sneak off to his laptop to look at porn, you can sit in the living room and actually try making yourself a better parent. It's so much easier to do that without those pesky kids around.
Fuck you and your whiny, spoiled, irritating, pussy kids.
So...it's been a while.
Things have been strange lately. It feels like everything is on the upswing... either I'm going to swing back down real quick-like, or flip over the bar and turn inside out.
I'm kind of ignoring my weight from now on. I threw my scale in the closet and buried it under a pile of junk. I went grocery shopping last night and spent too much money, but pretty much everything i bought is healthy, good-for-you, some organic, all expensive food. The one exception is the box of duncan hines devils food cake mix and betty crocker buttercream frosting. T'was promptly baked, and i have faith that my roommate will leave the foil off the cake in the next day or so, thereby drying it out and ruining it so I wont be able to eat it. As far as exercise, I run my ass off at work, and I work 6 nights a week, so that combined with sensible eating should produce a gradual, healthy decline in blubber. I thougth about atkinsing again (is that a verb? IT IS NOW, BITCH) but I just want to eat right. I did this once and I can do it again. No more fettucini alfredo, hooray for salad.
For the record, being a waitress is absolutely horrible. Unless you've tried it, you have no concept of how demanding, exhausting and demeaning it is. My pay works out to around 10 bucks an hour on average, maybe 15 bucks an hour on the weekends. So the money isnt shabby, but the job sure is.
Luis is moving out in august.. I mentioned to chris the other night "so, have you thought any more about moving in when luis moves out?" and he said "maybe...." and i changed the subject real quick. I'm not pushing, and honestly the idea of having my own apartment, sans-roommate/boyfriend, is very appealing. At the same time, I constantly think about the future of this relationship, and living together would provide a pretty clear picture of that future. I'm not talking about marriage, although I think about it, but just... it's very hard for me to think of him as a grown-up when he still lives at home. I want to see what grown-up chris is like. How he reacts when the toilet breaks, the bills roll in, the cat gets sick, etc. People are different when the chips are down.
I just wonder if I'm going to make enough money. I guess thats what we all worry about round these parts. Maybe I should move to africa, where i could have real worries, like AIDS or genocide or at the very least, tapeworm. Tapeworm would solve the above-mentioned weight problem.
But overall things are good. Chris spent the last 4 nights over here, there has been no fighting at all, and watching him with the kitty is absolutely adorable. My uncle is in from California and he's coming to eat at Carrabbas tonight, I'm going to tell him to tip me a roundtrip flight so I can come see him. He probably will, he's told me numerous times how I'm the only one out of the fam that could "groove with his lifestyle." I think that means he just drinks and surfs all day, which is funny because he's borderline obese. Can obese people surf?
I'm just going to take things day by day, put away whatever money I can (which is much easier now that I stopped smoking weed) to insulate my future and try to live each day to my satisfaction. If at the end of the day I'm happy with myself, then what else is left?
(I'm not happy with myself when i get drunk. I need to work on this.)
So I'm "on a break."
I dont really know what that means. The only time i've been on a break before was because I was too lazy to actually break up with someone, then and there, and i wanted to just get away quickly. I dont think that's the case this time, but I guess we'll see. Maybe I just dont want to think that.
I had my phone in my hand this morning, 5 numbers dialed, before I remembered. It was like a good morning punch in the stomach.
But things have been wrong for a couple weeks now. Hopefully this will make things right for us, either us together or us apart. I mean, if you blow a tire, that doesnt mean you're going to get rid of the car, you just need to get the tire fixed. Unless you've been sick of the car for a while and were looking for an excuse to get a new one. I'm not going to spend my time over-analyzing every single conversation and interaction, because you can take a hundred different meanings. And thats how I started turning into crazy lady to begin with.
So.... we'll see. Put your sympathy pints of Ben and Jerry's back in the freezer. If the fat lady does in fact sing, we can stuff her face with Chunky Monkey until she pukes, but I'm not throwing in the towel yet.